"can't get the old bowels working" -Immediate conversation as my nana answers the phone

"like a sling for your arm?" - my sister

"Yeah but for your bladder...." - my nana

"Do you have a shirt you can get blood on?" -me

"Sweet, I wanna be covered in blood too!" - Lanie

"I need a banana and some ibuprofen." -Brandi

"I can't find my blood. Ooh, maybe it's in the car..." -me

"Why would you choose to grow turds from your head?"

-myself regarding dreadlocks

"Yeah well, you don't get anywhere by being a sweet guy."

-words of wisdom from my sister regarding a certain american idol contestant.

First Quote of the Blog

"Let me go outside and smoke a cigarette and I'll get my suitcase so I can show y'all my new thumb..."

- My uncle Bill while visiting for Christmas after losing his thumb in a construction accident involving a radial saw and the loss of most of his right thumb.

"Well one of y'all go down to walmart and get a pair of needle nose pliers..."

-My uncle Bill after being told that his thumb injury required electrical cauterization meaning his nipple ring would have to be removed, and the only method pf doing so offered by the hospital was cutting off and therefore ruining the nipple ring.